Day Ten: Self-Imposed Crisis

Ever make a mountain out of a mole hill and know you're doing it but still do it anyway? That's how I felt last August when the world I was trying to create collapsed and I found myself smack dab in the middle of the valley of transformation with no idea what or where to plug my self-image back into. It's what happens when you must transform your self-image and lose sight of who you want to be or what you want to accomplish. The Bible says "where there is no vision the people perish" and it's right. If everyone is rowing in a different direction with everything they've got, the boat isn't going to go anywhere very fast, and when this kind of stand-off takes place within us we're in trouble. After I got back from Las Vegas in July following a conference and extended stay due to my travel companion's passport issue, the blissful space I'd been inhabiting fell away and suddenly I was confronted with the uncertainty of the life I'd been creating without a clear vision to back it up. By that time I'd been writing my book full time for 3 months but it wasn't done yet and I was getting frustrated. When I got back from that business trip, the reality hit me and I fell into a pit of despair. My condo, that once felt comforting and beautiful, became an expensive prison that kept me isolated from the world and my creative juices had dried up as the fear squeezed me. I stopped writing and started going out to the farm regularly to be with my Grandparents and Dad who held the space for me, and to go downtown to write in a coffee shop rather than in the emptiness of my place. I remember feeling like I was drowning and had no idea which way was up. The irony is that it was all fully self-imposed. Nothing had really changed except my perspective of my situation and my confidence in my own ability to build the kind of business I've seen others create for themselves. Part of it came from the realization that money isn't my primary motivator, though I do accept and appreciate its importance. My Dad gave me the best advise possible for the time which was to make my job finding something to be happy about, because that shift in my emotional state could turn everything around for me. The same is true for you too. We've got to 'catch the bug' of gratitude and appreciation in a way that can uplift and inspire us to be more of our authentic selves, instead of the self we think we're supposed to be. When in crisis we miss all the good stuff because we're too focused on what's not working. My crisis led me to make a number of changes that are now part of my new normal. Working full time where I workout, living with my Grandparents back on the farm again, and writing in my spare time are how I'm making an impact right now, while I get fully back on the horse that is entrepreneurship. My self-imposed crisis taught me that no matter how strong you may be, all that matters is how emotionally resilient you can be in the moment, because moments are all we really have. Love yourself, love others, and know that you matter. Much love, Laura JE Hamilton